Transitions

Transitions are hard. Just ask anyone... Yet my life can be summed up by the transitions that I have had to make...For example:

Transition from wife to wife & mother of 1
Transition from mother of 1 to mother of 2 healthy children
Transition from mother of 2 healthy children to mother of 1 healthy and 1 sick child
Transition from fighting for my sick child's life to making her comfortable and letting her go
Transition from mother of 2 back to mother of 1

That is my life in a nutshell...and although I understand the need for transitions and the change that comes with them, I am NOT one that likes the change. I like a routine and in fact crave it. But routine is not something I had during our 15 month long fight for Katie's life. And it is something that I am having trouble getting back to. I am also one that enjoys a good fight and one who will find ways to make myself successful. During our fight with neuroblastoma I learned how to do many things myself (i.e. take blood from a central line, give medicines through a central line, even catheterize my own child). Maybe that is why the last two transitions have proved to be the hardest. I didn't like giving up...it was the hardest idea imaginable to give up on saving Katie's life here on earth...My daughter was suppose to be getting ready for pre-k this fall...not playing on the streets of Heaven. Of course playing on the streets of Heaven is a way better option for her but it still hurts to miss seeing Katie going to pre-k. And although I had no choice in the matter, I am still reminded of what being a mother truly means. You have to do what is best for YOUR child...that is the definition of being a mother. You no longer think of what you need or want BUT instead what your children needs. And like another mom (whose blog I read today) said, it is all about perspective. Remember as you are getting your kids ready to go to school this year and thinking 'thank goodness they are finally going back to school' that there are many mother's who would give just about everything they have to get one more day with their child.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings....please continue to pray for us as we make the transition into a life without Katie by our side to make us laugh, frustrate us, and keep us on our toes. And please pray that we can focus on what Laura Beth needs & wants...and make her life here with us absolutely wonderful! =)

Also please pray for another little girl, Lauren, and her family who is having to make the transition from fighting for her life to letting her go. Lauren is a little 4 year old who has had a tough battle with neuroblastoma.