Transitions

Transitions are hard. Just ask anyone... Yet my life can be summed up by the transitions that I have had to make...For example:

Transition from wife to wife & mother of 1
Transition from mother of 1 to mother of 2 healthy children
Transition from mother of 2 healthy children to mother of 1 healthy and 1 sick child
Transition from fighting for my sick child's life to making her comfortable and letting her go
Transition from mother of 2 back to mother of 1

That is my life in a nutshell...and although I understand the need for transitions and the change that comes with them, I am NOT one that likes the change. I like a routine and in fact crave it. But routine is not something I had during our 15 month long fight for Katie's life. And it is something that I am having trouble getting back to. I am also one that enjoys a good fight and one who will find ways to make myself successful. During our fight with neuroblastoma I learned how to do many things myself (i.e. take blood from a central line, give medicines through a central line, even catheterize my own child). Maybe that is why the last two transitions have proved to be the hardest. I didn't like giving up...it was the hardest idea imaginable to give up on saving Katie's life here on earth...My daughter was suppose to be getting ready for pre-k this fall...not playing on the streets of Heaven. Of course playing on the streets of Heaven is a way better option for her but it still hurts to miss seeing Katie going to pre-k. And although I had no choice in the matter, I am still reminded of what being a mother truly means. You have to do what is best for YOUR child...that is the definition of being a mother. You no longer think of what you need or want BUT instead what your children needs. And like another mom (whose blog I read today) said, it is all about perspective. Remember as you are getting your kids ready to go to school this year and thinking 'thank goodness they are finally going back to school' that there are many mother's who would give just about everything they have to get one more day with their child.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings....please continue to pray for us as we make the transition into a life without Katie by our side to make us laugh, frustrate us, and keep us on our toes. And please pray that we can focus on what Laura Beth needs & wants...and make her life here with us absolutely wonderful! =)

Also please pray for another little girl, Lauren, and her family who is having to make the transition from fighting for her life to letting her go. Lauren is a little 4 year old who has had a tough battle with neuroblastoma.

2 weeks

Today makes 2 weeks since Katie died. To say that we miss her would be a understatement. Most times it doesn't feel real. It feels like she is just staying somewhere else (grandma's or the hospital) and will come back soon. But at times, it hits hard that she is gone from this earth forever. It is a physical pain...We think of her all the time and see reminders of her everywhere. Tonight I found some videos of her and watched them. It made me smile to see my beautiful little girl singing and dancing. Laura Beth enjoyed looking at them as well. But when she first saw them she asked, "Where she go?" It is so hard because Laura Beth really doesn't understand what has happened. She is use to Katie being gone for weeks at a time or even a month and to Laura Beth it is normal for Katie to be sick. But now we have a new normal to make. Please continue to pray for us as we get use to this new normal.

To keep myself busy I decided to redecorate Laura Beth's bathroom and room. When in Target I found the perfect monkey bathroom set and a very cute nature bedroom set! So I got to work and here are the results!

Owl wall hanging

Lamp (I got this because Laura Beth likes to lay and look at a book before falling asleep...)

Wall stickers
More wall stickers

The tree! It isn't as easy as it looks to put together! =)
My monkey in her new 'monkey towel'!
The shower curtain
The rug
The night light

A Week

Yesterday made one week since Katie passed away. It has been a rough week. The emotions come like waves. Sometimes I know it is coming and sometimes I don't. I am sad because I miss holding her, kissing her, hugging her, and taking care of her. I think about her often and it feels as if she is there with me but I can't see her. Grief is hard. But life is getting back to normal and it feels good to be able to leave the house. I think that we are still kind of in a fog and none of us are sure of how to cut threw it. Please continue to pray for us as we learn to live without the lively chatter of our little 4 year old.

Thank You

William, myself and our families would like to thank all of you who attended the visitation and/or funeral as well as those of you who could not attend but were with us in spirit. We were amazed by the amount of people who came out to share their love for us and our daughter. We truly feel blessed by all of you. Please know that the food, cards, flowers, visits, picture frames and other gifts have been appreciated. We will try to get a thank you note to all of you personally for what you have done for us; but please know that if you do not receive a note of appreciation, that we do appreciate your gift but have been overwhelmed by all of your love and just can't keep up! =)

William and I have been talking these last couple of days about how amazing the stories are about people that have been drawn to Jesus because of our daughter. The following Bible verses come to mind...

Jesus said, "...A farmer plants the Word. Some people are like the seed that falls on the hardened soil of the road. No sooner do they hear the Word than Satan snatches away what has been planted in them. And some are like the seed that lands in the gravel. When they first hear the Word, they respond with great enthusiasm. But there is such shallow soil of character that when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it. The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard and nothing comes of it. But the seed in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams." Mark 4:14-20 (The Message)

We pray that those of you who have been drawn to Jesus because of our story, will be like the seed that was planted in the good earth. We pray that you will continue to embrace God's word and in turn produce a good harvest and plant seeds in other's lives. We, again, thank you for all of your love and support during this time of difficulty and grief.

I also would like for everyone who personally knew Katie to e-mail me a story (or stories) that you remember from your time with my daughter. I am going to put together a scrap book for Laura Beth so that she can remember how wonderful her sister was. My e-mail is chelle_78@hotmail.com. Please put "Stories about Katie" in the subject line. That way if your e-mail gets sent to the junk box, I will not delete it.

Visitation & Funeral

It has been 4 days since Katie left us to be with Jesus. It has been a whirl wind of emotions. The sadness comes in waves; for me mainly at night. During the day, William & I often find ourselves wanting to call someone to check on Katie...but we do not have to do that anymore. Jesus is taking care of her now...and boy does he have his hands full! I can just imagine that her chatter has not yet stopped. She is probably asking a ton of questions and telling him a few things that she has been thinking about! To say that we miss her would be an understatement, but there is a peace that is holding us together. We know that peace is a result of your prayers and we thank you for that. Katie has been healed in heaven but we continue to be broken-hearted here on earth. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and following our journey, even past death.

Visitation will be tonight at Madisonville Funeral Home from 2-8 with the family being present from 5:30 to 8.
The funeral service will be at First Baptist Church in Madisonville at 10 with burial to follow at Plainview Cemetery.
BOTH will have a closed casket. Please remember to wear bright colors to honor Katie's love for them.

Obituaries

You can look up information about the funeral service at
http://www.madisonvillefuneralhome.com/sitemaker/sites/walter0/obit.cgi?user=236907Connor


We would also like you to know that the funeral and visitation will both have a closed casket. We want you to remember Katie as she was, full of life. We also want people to feel comfortable bringing their children, as we are celebrating our beautiful girl's life. And as we are celebrating her life, please wear bright colors in her honor. Light pink and dark blue were her favorite colors.

The following is her obituary




Katelyn “Katie” Olivia Connor was born December 27, 2005 to William & Christa Connor. She was her daddy’s turkey, her momma’s cuddle-bug, and to her sister, Laura Beth, she was everything. Katie died on Thursday, August 5, 2010 after a lengthy battle with Neuroblastoma (cancer). She was loved by all who had the pleasure of knowing her. Her brilliant blue eyes, dazzling smile, and contagious laughter could light up any room. Katie loved going to daycare at Grannie & Pawpaw’s to play with her two best friends, Kate Hagaman & Zoey Blakely. She loved to dance and loved to learn. She amazed everyone with her vast vocabulary. Most of all, she loved attending Sunday School at Harmony Baptist Church in Normangee where she learned more about Jesus. Even at her young age, Katie believed in Jesus and knew that He loved her and saved her from her sins. She will be dearly missed but her family takes comfort in knowing that she is now free of pain, sickness, and sadness.

Survivors include her father, mother, and sister; grandparents: Glenn & Marilyn Connor and Roger & Vickie Riley; great-grandparents: Steele & Louise Connor and Jim & Elizabeth Riley; her aunts & uncles: Ashley Riley, Amy & Keith Hahn, and Karla & Ricky Medeiros; as well as numerous cousins, extended family, church family, and friends.

Visitation with the family will be held at Madisonville Funeral Home on Monday, August 9, from 2:00 pm to 8:00 pm with the family receiving friends from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm.

Funeral services will be held at First Baptist Church of Madisonville at 10:00 a.m. on Tuesday, August 10, with burial in Plainview Cemetery near Normangee.

In lieu of flowers the family requests that you make donations to the National Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Foundation, P. O. Box 498, Kensington, MD 20895-0498 or www.candlelighters.org and to Hospice Brazos Valley, 502 W. 26th Street, Bryan, Texas 77803-2426.

It is finished...

Katelyn passed from this life to be with Jesus at 5:07 p.m. today. She is at peace now. Funeral arrangements have been tentatively planned for Tuesday (Aug 10th) at 10 a.m. at First Baptist Church in Madisonville with visitation on Monday evening at Madisonville Funeral Home. Thank you for all of your support in this almost 15 month journey. Please continue to pray for all of our family as we mourn the loss of our beloved Katie.

update...

Good morning everyone. I wanted to let you know that there hasnt been much change in Katies condition. Her breathing rate is still half what it should be. Her kidneys are still hanging in there, in fact her urine is somewhat clearer and not as concentrated. Katie is still not eating anything, but she is drinking fairly well. Her heart rate is a little high, which is probably due to the stress her body is under. Katie is still in a lot of pain and is requireing quite a bit of pain medicine. We will continue to keep you updated. Thank you for the prayers and may God bless you for your faithfullness to pray for us. Have a great day in the Lord.

frames

We want to thank all of you for the outpouring we have recieved in regards to the picture frames. We now have more than enough frames to do what we need to do. The frames we have recieved are beautiful and very appreciated and will be a nice tribute to our daughter. If you have already bought frames you are more than welcome to bring them but do not feel obligated to do so. Thanks again for your support during our time of need.

Prayer Vigil

Just wanted to write a quick note...There is a prayer vigil for Katelyn tonight at
8:00pm on the square in Madisonville. William & I are truly amazed at the support that our community has poured out to us. Please join us in praying for that God either allows Katie to pass from this life to Heaven soon with as little pain as possible OR that He heal her so that she may be living proof of his grace, mercy, and mighty power. Pray that she knows how much she is loved by all of her family and friends and that she knows that she will NEVER be forgotten. Thank you again for all of the love you have given us and prayers you have sent up for us.

Keep praying

Hey everyone Katie made it through the night. I don't know how but she did. Katie was very restless throughout the night. Her breathing slowed to about nine breathes a minute a normal child should be about 16. She did wake up this morning at 5: 30 wanting chocolate milk. I don't know why God won't just take her, hasn't she suffered enough? Thank you all again for your support and mostly for the prayers. Christa and I will let you know when something changes. You all have been a real blessing through this, your comments are very touching and bring us comfort. We love all of you. God bless you.

pray.....

Hey everyone this is William, I pray life finds you well. I just wanted to say that we don't know if Katie will make it through the night. We would like to ask everyone to pray that God takes her home to be with him soon. Katie deserves to be with God, free of pain, worry, and heartache. Katie deserves to be healthy and active, she cannot be that here anymore. The fact is that Katie has not been here for a little while now, her body is here but Katie, our Katie is not here. We don't want to see her go but at this point it is the best thing for her. I used to pray that God would spare her life, but that was selfish. I have realized through this trial what is important to me in regards to our children, it is their well being and their happiness. What better place to find that than Heaven. I take comfort in the fact that I will not have to worry about her anymore. That does not mean I won't think about her and miss her everyday of my life. It is just good to know that no more harm will ever come to her. We will continue to keep you posted. Thank you all for standing in the gap for us and Katie. Each one of you have been a blessing to our family, God will honor that. Have a great night and don't forget to give your kids a hug before bed. If they don't live with you anymore call them and tell them you love them just in case tomorrow never comes. If any of you have issues with your kids settle them tonight, don't let the sun set on your anger, you may regret it for the rest of your life. Thanks again and goodnight.

Numb...

As I sit here writing this I am listening to Laura Beth 'reading' herself a book and watching Katie slowly pass from this life. I hear life and see death all in the same moment. Today is truly the worst day....Katie is unable to stay awake at all. She mumbles every now and then and I can get her to speak up every so often but she doesn't open her eyes. I have spent the day looking at pictures of her and deciding which ones should be used in her tribute video. It is almost unbearable but I have to try because if I cry, Katie says, "Momma calm down" with as much force as she can muster. I worry most about my little monkey. I pray that I can make it through this and still be the mother she needs. I pray that I can make it through the sadness quickly so I can share the happy memories with Laura Beth. I pray that she knows how important BOTH my girls are to me. I pray that I can live in the present while cherishing my past with my Katie. Thank you for the prayers because we couldn't make it without them.

A quick note

Just a quick note before I forget....Most of you have been asking what we need or how you can help. As we begin to prepare for the funeral of our precious Katie, I realize that we need some cute picture frames...all sizes but mainly for the size of picture you normally get. We want to put up pictures of her around at the funeral and of her drawings. Thanks for the help. If you don't know our address please e-mail me at chelle_78@hotmail.com

Grief...

Last night, Katie woke up asking to go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom she told me, "Mommy, I just can't take it any more....I hurt too much." I told her that it was okay because she is going to get to go to Heaven and there is no pain or sickness there. Her response was "But I won't be able to see you ever again." I explained, of course, that she would get to see me again when it was my time to go to Heaven and that it would only be like mommy was at work...I would be gone for a little while but would come home to see her soon. I pray that she is understanding...Though she seems to have a peace at times, she continues to worry about missing her family. She is after all only a little girl who loves her family. She is scared to go somewhere that we cannot be. Please pray that we can give her comfort and assurance.

This morning while William went to church, the girls and I stayed home and watched TV in bed. It was a nice time to have with both my girls. When William got home from church we all headed down to his parent's house and ate dinner with our family (both his parents and mine). It was nice to see all of us together. Katie slept on her little cot and stayed with grandma for a while. I am now sitting on the floor by the couch while she rests. It is hard to see her in such pain...sleeping while moaning and mumbling. Please pray for peace.

A little later, Aunt Amy and her kids came to visit. Katelyn was a little more alert while they were here and even smiled once. It was a nice change of pace.